No woman was interested in being with him, and at the same time, he felt discouraged from pursuing a relationship with anybody.He said quietly to himself, “I can’t think about them too much. The calmness before the storm can drive men mad. The battle is the shortest thing in a conflict. Most of the time is waiting for the struggle to begin and trying to keep everything working. Do they remember the warrior for the battle he fought, or do they remember the majority of the time he spent keeping the home clean for himself? They will always remember the battle and nothing else. I need to think that way too, but in reverse.”Toha loaded up with his gear in the armory. He took everything he said he was carrying. He carried no additional rounds for the MP-18. If he ran out of ammunition for it, he would drop the gun and keep going. He took additional rounds for his rifle as he knew that was going to be his primary weapon.“Hmm ... feel like in some ways that I should paint my face in war. I thought about the old phrase that says you have to have money to makemoney. It was kind of like that with women's clothes. I need to dresslike a woman in order to buy women's clothes. I was very cool withthat.Whenever I wasn't thinking about my mother and her purchases, I waschecking out the girls in my classes. Looking at girls wasn't a newthing for me, but now I was almost studying them. Because they wereborn as females, becoming women would be easy for them. It would besecond nature, something they didn't think about, the way I never gavemuch thought to becoming a man.I compared their mannerisms to my mother and her friends. It was verysimilar in that they moved their hands around the same way when theytalked, but teenage girls are much more giggly than older women. Ididn't want to be giggly. I also didn't want to wear the kinds ofjeans and tops they wore. Their clothes were trendy and I supposethere's nothing wrong with that, but the older women I knew wouldn't.
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